Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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