Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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