Me. At least after what I've been through.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
accomplished twins. life is a go
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
