Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
