I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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