toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
