In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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