Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
