i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
