Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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