I just cut my nipple shaving
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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