last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
