wat bout pragnant strippers??
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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