Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
