Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
