I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
