I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
