The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
