well I can't set my house on fire every night
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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