No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize