I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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