I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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