Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
