I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
