Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
