lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
