Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
