just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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