Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
