conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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