I wish my penis had an off switch
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
