I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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