I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
