Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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