Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Too much gin, very little bucket
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
