walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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