Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
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