I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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