Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
