uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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