you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
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