New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
