U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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