remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
