I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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