im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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