When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
