i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
