I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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