just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
