oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
