Apparently you make a good broom.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
