In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
