the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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