In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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