Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
COCAINE IS GR8
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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