ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
