Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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