we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I will be naked everywhere
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
