I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
