dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
your like the ambassador to my penis.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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