Non-Jews are for practice
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
