I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Help. Why am I so naked?
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