gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
