If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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