well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i think i have two assholes
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
