i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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