You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
