I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
