tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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