Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize