So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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