No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
