Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize