So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
