Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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