I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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