On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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