Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Randomize
