My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
