maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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