I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I need to align my fucking chakras
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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