Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
