a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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