I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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