Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
