Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize