He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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