im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Sacagawea was the original milf.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
