i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
May the power of my ass compel you!!
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Randomize
