Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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