help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
