remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
