Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
