if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
