I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
NoShamevember. You game?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
