when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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